Yet Another Perl Hacker Programming Republic of Perl

Perl Poems

Homage to those programmers amongst us having script kiddies.

diaper

#!perl
# My Father, the Hacker v1.0 
# by Yanick Champoux (12/9/2002)

use Data::Dumper;  
$diaper = new Data::Dumper   ([],[]);  # welcome to fatherhood, buddy 

localtime => 'after supper';

study $course or 'change baby ?';

eval $ituation;

$baby => glob happily;

no warnings;

$diaper->can( wait );

$mother = grep @you, "wooooh, buster.";

BEGIN{ /The/, speech }

warn 2, put, perlgolf, @ the, index qw(and she would do it, too)    ,1
  or 2, map wife => hex;

our $baby;   #she says

listen "and nod a lot",
s/igh/ 
		yes, dear  
/;

grep @baby, '';

open DIAPER;
eof;
push @away, y!u!ck!;
dump 'into garbage bin';
unpack new, diaper;
waitpid   qw/
	careful, boys can   /,sqrt/!                    
/;
close DIAPER;

put, baby, 2, sleep;

seek $wife,'s approval',
	bless "strange hobby", 'now?';

return "to perlgolf" if s.he does..;

Ode to Perl Golfing...

dueling_dingos

#!/usr/bin/perl
# Dueling Dingos v1.1, by Yanick Champoux (9/4/2002)
#
# Inspired by the TPR(0,2) Perl Golf contest.
# Name haven't been changed, since the involved
# parties could hardly be labelled as 'innocent',
# and are way far too gone to protect anyway.

wait until localtime > @April[0];  # wait until the first of April

BEGIN{}

study and seek FOR, $some, $inspiration;

write $stuff;

$score = 145; # no good;

delete $stuff { I_can_do_without } 
   and do $more_stuff;

delete $even{more_stuff};

reverse $engineer; study; eval $strategy and redo;

write, write, write; 
delete $_{'!'}, delete $"{"@!"}, delete $@{'*'}; # must stop cursing

use less 'characters', $durnit;

read THE, $current, $solution;

not 2, $bad;

delete $white_spaces{''} until $program == glob;

for( $all, my @troubles )
{
	unlink 1, $character;
}

ARGH:

$must, not $despair;

$I->can(do{ $it });

study new Idea; 

m/mmmm/m... do{able};

kill $chickens;

'ask', $Nanabozo, 2, bless $me, 'with more inspiration';

$so, close; warn $mailing_list and alarm $Andrew;

$toil until my $solution < /-\ndrew's
/;

GOT_IT:

send $solution, $to, ref;

$brain, shutdown  I,'m dead';

goto sleep;

wait; $till, $the, $day, $after;

readline last $scoreboard;

grep $all, stat;

read THE, $stats, $again until $it_sinks_in;

$Andrew,'s score' lt $mine;

$eyeball, pop @o
;

Okay, not really a poem, but where was I supposed to put something like that?

twelve_days_to_christmas

#!/usr/bin/perl
# twelve_days_to_Christmas.pl, by Yanick Champoux (13/12/2001)
# to be run once a day from December 13 to December 24

$_=<<CHRISTMAS;

    Okay, so I blow at drawing bows...

                                  462757d6d65
        627370246275             7d6d696e67602            0796075627
       370207960796e6           7602c  6f6274637          0216d2c65616     
      0796e6   7602c6164696    563702  4616e63696      e67602d616964637
     0216d2d6  96c6b696e6760 2377716e  6370216d2    377796d  6d696e676     
    02765656375 60216d2c6169796e6760276f6c64 656e602279  6e6763702
     3616c6c696e67602269627463702642756e63686028656e6 370247572
      747c6560246f66756370214e646021602071627472796467656029
                     6e6021602075616270247275656e2
                            1111001001110110   
                   0000010000101110   0001011010100110   
                   0000010000100100   1111101000000100   
                   0010011010000110   1001111000000100   
                   0100011010100110   0110011011110110   
                   0100111010100110   0000010011000010   
                   0001011001001110   1001011011001110   
                   0010111010110110   1000011011001110   

                   0101000010011010   1111011010101110   
                   0100111000000100   0010111001001110   
                   1010111010100110   0000010000110110   
                   1111011001101110   1010011000000100   
                   1110011010000110   0110111010100110   
                   0000010000101110   1111011000000100   
                   0010111000010110   1010011010100110
CHRISTMAS

s/\s|\n//g;s/.*\.//;s/[10]*$//;($h,@gifts)=((pack"b*",$&),split' ',
(pack"h*",$_),24);@days=qw/one two three four five six seven eight 
nine ten eleven twelve/[0..($x=(localtime)[3]-13),11-$x];($_,$t)  =
(pop@days,'th');s|^o.*|last|||s|.*o$|second|||s|$t.*|${t}ird|||s
                 |$|$t|;s  |(?<!e)ve|f|;splice@gifts,0,22-2*$x;
         y.t..s;s|(n)e(t)|$1$2|;
print eval qq/"$h\n"/;$_="\u$_ @{[shift@gifts,shift@gifts]}\n"and
(s/One (A)(nd a)/$x?$1x$x.$2:$1/e+1)&&print for reverse@days;

That's what happen when a perl hacker gets sentimental...

satori

#!/usr/bin/perl
# satori.pl v1.0 (31/7/2000)  A Perl poem by Yanick Champoux

$\ = "\n"; *LIGHT=*STDOUT;

%accept = %salvation = ( hate   => 'love'      , 
                         greed   => 'frugality' ,
                         anger   => 'acceptance', 
                         fear    => 'certainity',
                         despair => 'hope'     );
 
$now = # is the time
       '           '; 

$no_more = '1ies';
 
# I want to be 
               $free = not $chained;

sleep $no_more;  time, 2, $awake;  

kill $doubt;
reverse $thinking;
 
my @soul = keys %salvation;
 
foreach $fear ( @soul ) 
{
    print "I knew $fear";
 
    push @out and push @away until $free;

    print "$now I know$I_must $accept{ $fear }";
}

study $life;
tell TRUTH ;# do not lie to yourself
accept GOOD, BAD;

delete $soul{ sin };
 
not $let_go or exit or die;

# Turn my back to death and the
    crypt's hollow comfort', 'it is too soon';
 
select LIGHT;
close  PAST;
open   EYES, 'and see';

bless $life={};

seek HAPPINESS,
     abs$olution,
     $peace;

untie $myself;

join 'back', 'humanity';

print;
print 'I am alive, I am free. Hear me roar, for I am ',` whoami`;

# This is where things
  END{}

# This is where things
  BEGIN{

# It is time to 
  return $home; }

This one must be run from the command line and is not pure Perl, but is quite dear to me for reasons you probably don't want to know about...

heartfelt_hullo

banner `echo hullo! | perl -pey-holu-snim-,s:.\$:k\$\&:,s.i.o.#with_love`

And they say romantism is dead...

flying_pig_express

#!/usr/bin/perl

$_="a secret greeting by"; y.an.ick.;

# having no doves near by, I tied this
# missive to the leg of a 
( $flying_pig ) = qw/ oink oink oink /;

s/ecret?/ 
$a . 'm'#issive delivered by a 
   . $flying_pig #???
   
/ex;#huberant, more like. 

#            It's the kind of stuff
($_) = ( 	 ucfirst, 'ublieveafter' 
);

# but those flying hams /are/ quite
# fast and reliable. Of course, you have
# to get used to the 
s,tic(k|.)*y,$stuff,; 

		( qw/ you don't want to know / );

# but even with that 
'                    it',s, gr(eat)?, 'I '?' th':'ink'

,e;#specially for transatlantic correspondance.

# but I will stop here, as I'm sure you positively
die  # to know the secret message hidden here
                                               "$_\n";

qw( you just have to pipe it to perl to find out );

y.an.ick.


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Yanick Champoux